Thursday, May 28, 2009
他对我的温柔 让我不知道 我到底在想什么
im kinda afraid of chatting w baobei on phone now
im just worried that we may quarrel again
so i will try to cut short
its not that i wana be cold towards him but
i just dont know how,HOW to talk to him
but yet,he talks to me in a way that i LOVE?
back to the gentle and nice bf?
WHY?
why when i start to think of all those bad things then it seems to be nothing
and not a problem?
hais
whole day was waiting for his msg,so wana msg him but yet i dont wan?
so contradicting
Bintan trip is coming
i just dont wana 破坏 this thing
WE WILL BE HAPPY THERE DE!!!!
YESSSSSSSS.and it WILLLLLL
im convincing myself to change my mindset to +
Hahahahaha
easier said than to do it
Y10:56 AM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
i feel so useless
i dont have confidence
thats me
i hates to be alone walking in streets,doin shopping
i hates to go into book stores,but i did
i nv tried playin alone in arcades before,i did twice to kill time
i hates making decision when im alone cos the more i will regret
i hates to feel left out esp in a group
BUT all bcos of him
and these things ive been goin thru more n more recently
i hate it but i dont hate him
i uds that he has his grad show thing to rush to do to prepare
accompany him to sch today for his grad show
in the end i have to walk around alone after ytd waiting at PS
i didn expect that it's gona be something like that
i feel so tiny when he's with his grp of friends
i know NOTHING and i dont belong there
all i can do is smile and smile when i dont feel comfortable at all
NOT his friend's prob but MY prob
to all the quarrels and all
i think we just cnt communicate on phone
i hate talkin to him on phone now
have been thinking evrytime
and now i seriously think we are not suitable to chat on phone
cos i duno wads the prob w him whenever he chats w mi on phone
FUCK!
i hate you ONG YEE WEN
and your screwed up life now
@#%&*#%&_&%$#@#W#%R^@#$^&*%#@!
Y11:54 AM
Monday, May 25, 2009
COUNTING DOWN 1 WEEK TO BINTAN!
i tot i shd be happy and looking forward
not that i dont but
some thgs just keeps me......
i know baobei dosent mind my BIG FAT TUMMY and all
and he expects me to wear bikini or wad
BUT seriously la...i do not have good figure
he just dont know how am i feeling
i wana be those kinda gf that cn give him what he wants too
but i cant
i wana enjoy my trip w him
REALLY
i wish that evrythg will goes smoothly
PLEASEEE i beg
i know he hates me complaining but if i dont turn to him
who can i turn to?
but i know its rly v fan
i got no other choice
he's the only one
but each time i see the pek chek him makes me even more sad
Y8:21 AM
Friday, May 15, 2009
有时候 我真的很累
总觉得好像快要不能呼吸一样
我没有没有没有没有想要吵架
我更不想每天晚上都哭着去睡觉
那种感受 一点都不好受
我们的问题已经越来越多了吗?
then why do we have ta ALWAYS quarrel?
is it me??
its v simple isnt it..
im a lousy asshole GF..idont know how ta love
i sucks in evrythg
i cant give him what he wants
or he cant give mi what i want?
EVERYTHING!!!!
just seems wrong
i just dont wana stay at home and rot evryday,wads wrong?
i hates ta stay at home alone
i will start ta think of all my probs
i dont know how ta quarrel and pretend as if we r ok but when we r NOT OK
its so hard ta be fake
now i just have ta tell myself and remind myself
that i shall not always compare myself..
learn ta love myself more and do not criticise myself
probably i will jus nag myself in my mind and not say out
i shall not be a 大女人
dont expect mi ta be YES YES YES cos thats not mi
im still gona be myself but i will watch out in case the lil thgs become
the thgs that he dislikes..
I WILL TAKE NOTE
Y12:09 PM
Sunday, May 10, 2009
baobei is busy w his FYP this few days
so i have ta be guai.a guai gf not ta disturb him
awwwww
and now that im jobless at home,i feel so lonely
and starts ta worrrryyyyyy
I NEED A JOB
w/o a job means no income=no shopping=no going out=no good food=no entertainment
how can!!!!
i wana have a stable job
i dun wana lead a life that i need ta worry
i hates ta work but i noe its no choice..
this is my life and that ive ta accept it
i dont have a good life
ive ta depend on myself so much that im getting sick of it..
手停口停 uh
NONONO
i really wish that i can get a job soon and so that i can rly enjoy myself for this few weeks
before i start to rly work again
i will only get ta enjoy when i noe that i can have a stable job
3yrs+ i dont have ta worry cos i work nonstop
i cnt afford ta rest
tmr im goin ta the duno wad NTUC CTR,i dont even noe whr is it after searching the map online
lousy direction map
or lousy mi la..whatever
shd i go sentosa w baobei?
wad im thinking is like im afraid it wont work
im so scared he will feel bored w mi
im scared he dont get ta enjoy his 21st bday
hmmmmmm
HOW
i guess he's gona be happier w all hs frens but like i sucks in planning la
im a lousy gfffffffff
feel bad for him
but i jus wan him ta be happy
smtimes ta mi HOME DAY is boring BUT i love his company
cos of him i somehow learn ta be contented
back ta wad i think and feel last time
but still i need him by my side ta always remind mi of this
Y5:27 AM
Friday, May 1, 2009
Y10:24 AM
BINTAN TRIP IS CONFIRMED!
im excited and happy and sad and worried at the same time
excited as i have nt been to Bintan before and they say its a great place for getaway
but they say 3D2N like too much.hmms.hopefully we both will enjoy it
happy cos finally can go and get a break and im goin w baobei
sad cos i didn get to go BKK which i can get hell lotsa fun time shoppin,massage and all like a queen :( i MUST go another time
worried cos IM NT A OUTDOOR PERSON.hais.as much as i wana accompay baobei in outdoor activities,tanning n all BUT i cannot.this is a very major prob that only i myself noe.sighs.wearin bikini is a NONO thing for me.have been stressing over this too.but he dun uds and wun uds de.i dont have nice fig eh.wear wad!
1 more weekof work and im FREEEEEE like a bird
spells STRESSED
i noe like finally i can relax a bit and maybe have fun and catching up time w frens.but how do i really enjoy myself when i noe i do not have a job on hand?
it makes me so sian la
i cannot have full level of fun leh
hurrrrrrr
*pray hard that evrythg will be smooth and i CAN get a nt too bad job ASAP
*and me and baobei will be happy happy
*his FYP will be GOOD and stress stress go away.灵感快点来! (:
Y10:12 AM
